Friday, April 29, 2005
| When Fantasy Becomes Reality What’s your fantasy? Is it winning the lottery? Is it giving an acceptance speech for a Grammy? Is it having sex with a woman who has 34 Triple Z breasts? Everyone has fantasies and very rarely do we share them with the people close to us. In most instances, our fantasies are personal and private and represent a part of our personality that we aren’t completely comfortable with. So what happens when you have the opportunity to realize one of your fantasies? And what happens if the fear of accomplishing this goal is almost too much to bear? I am very lucky to have an open-minded and understanding core group of friends that enable me to do what I need to do for myself. As these friends know, I have always had a problem with some major sexual hang-ups. It’s nothing too outrageous, but it’s enough to cause me to hold back in most intimate situations, even with my own boyfriend. And considering that we’ve been together for over five years and I’m still a virgin, I’d say that my hang-ups go pretty deep. Through some work with my therapist and through the conversations and encouragement that I received from my friends, I was able to conquer one of my biggest dreams yesterday. I was so scared to actually go forward with the moment that it wasn’t until 5 minutes before the experience that I actually made the decision to follow through on my plan. And if it wasn’t for the calls I made to Angie and Kelly before the big moment, I would have turned on my heels and rode the subway home. But I didn’t. I stuck it out. I took a risk. And it paid off in the end. It paid off in ways that I never thought were possible. The trick to this, however, is that when fantasy becomes reality, most of the luster is removed from the situation. You always hear that, right? Don’t realize your fantasy because it will no longer hold the same affect as it once did. And this couldn’t be any truer. Fantasy is better left in the mind, but without exploration, how would you ever really know that? I guess it comes down to the fact that there are risk takers in the world and there are those that sit on the sidelines too afraid to step out of their shell. For once I am proud to have stepped away from my dark corner and into the excitement and wonderment that life has to hold. More important than having my fantasy hold true to theory, I learned that being alive and real is more exciting than any outlandish dream one could imagine. |
